My 8 year old brings all sorts of struggles to my life.  We are alike in so many ways and often we clash.  We are both known to run hot and cold and we are both incredibly empathetic and take criticism to heart.  We demand a lot of ourselves and beat ourselves up when we feel we don't measure up.  We are also worriers, people who internalize a lot of their struggles and feelings, lay awake and dwell, and both of us have our underlying fears and anger surface over situations completely removed from the reason.

As an adult I have learned, for the most part, to manage myself and recognize what is a weakness and what is a strength.  Empathy definitely plays its part in my career but letting go of worries and control is something I'm still working on.

I find it hard to be 28 years ahead of him on this path and oftentimes I get frustrated by his negative self-view, his indiscriminate attitude towards the fun things in life, his inability to find the good.

Lately I have been meditating on what I can change about myself to help nurture him.  He's going through an incredibly rough time right now and his little self is being pulled all over the place.  I've discovered, through trial and error, that he relishes and thrives on responsibility and room to roam.

I've been experimenting with the freedom I allow him.  While supervised he grilled his own grill cheese sandwich.

While I run to the corner store for a quick item, he stays at home, and today I gave him a big test.  It was a snow day but I had to go to work.  I dropped his sister off to the daycare (next door to our house) and went to work for 2 hours (work is a 30 second drive from our door).  I agreed for him to stay home alone for half that time and did phone check ins.  He said he was a little bored so I offered him a huge chance to roam.  If he wanted to walk to work he could take some money from me and go across the street to the coffee shop and buy himself a steamer.  My work is a straight walk down the sidewalk, not even a road to cross without a cross-walk and just a few houses farther than his bus stop.  He jumped at the chance and a few moments later, snowy but beaming, he entered my work to grab some money.  I expected him back to drink his drink at the office before we headed home but he hung out in the coffee shop and had some time himself.  The owner of the shop, and the workers are all friends so I felt safe.

He was beyond thrilled with himself and today his attitude is a little less sharp and he's far more willing and agreeable.  Giving him the chance to succeed in controlled environments is working and I hope some more opportunities come up that let him see again just how much he's capable of doing.