So yes, after day 11 of my pursuit of Happiness, I failed.  But that's ok because I was doing it for myself and not for anyone else.  Halfway through some parts of my world came crashing down and I admit I was struggling to breath again.  Having another task on my plate became more than overwhelming, so you do what you do and you remove the things you can control.

That didn't mean I gave up on self-care and doing things meant to make me happy, it just meant I did them as I pleased, on my own terms, and didn't document it.

The journey to healing is a long, slow journey.  You learn in counselling that you can't hide from your pain and you can't shy away from the things that scare you or make you uncomfortable.  This could mean having a conversation you don't want to have, admitting feelings you are having, taking steps to begin a process that brings all the uncomfortable things to the surface.  I know myself and I know what I do when I am faced with uncomfortable things.  I go into isolation.  I make things stall and I hide from the information I don't want to know.  It takes a lot of myself to face the things that scare me and it drains me when I do this so I also know that during these times I expect less of myself.  I don't worry about the quality of the meals hitting the table, just that there is food.  I don't worry about the loads of laundry, it'll get done.  I don't care about me going to bed at 8:00 when the kids do, that's perfectly fine.  And I don't mind saying no.  No I can't listen to your troubles right now I don't have the ability to process it.  No I can't attend an extra dance class, No I can't provide sandwiches for the sunday school closing, No I can't do overtime at work.  No I can't read a book because an internet list of happy things tells me I must today.

And now I feel better.  Things have changed a little, just enough that I am on the other side again feeling supported and renewed.  I hosted a wonderful Easter supper and the outdoor egg hunt was such a hit that I was happy I took the extra time to prepare it.

And because right now I am excited and energetic...and I little bit of a sucker for novelty ideas, I am going to try the minimalist challenge and see where it takes me.