Mothers Take a Beating
May 14, 2017
Yes it's a made up holiday by greeting card companies and florists. Yeah I get that, it's a lot of expectation with usually little results, but it's a day to recognize all that mothers do for their kids and families and you know what? It's really nice. Because in the day to day grind it's easy to forget that a simple "thank you, I appreciate you," goes a long way to re-fueling the tanks after weeks if not months and years of broken sleep, puke catching, birthday parties for kids we can't pick out of a line up, messes everywhere, school work, lunch boxes, snowsuits, potty training, diapering, feeding, colic, activities, curfew breaking, bath time, hours of Dora's voice, and only having band-aids with cartoon characters on them.
Add to that if you have a child with special needs, health issues, or learning disabilities and the list grows. If you are a single parent, that list is solely and squarely on your shoulders day in and day out.
Twice I had taken the kids out like I normally do before a holiday to see if they wanted to buy anything from the mall for me, both times they had no desire. Fine, money saved I didn't need trinkets anyway. Then this morning I wake up and my sons attitude is sour. He tells me that everyday is Mother's Day in his sour tone and decides he isn't making today anything to write home about. In fact he isn't even coming to our mothers day luncheon planned, he locks himself in his room. I can't help it, I start to cry. I tell him in no uncertain terms that no, everyday is not Mother's Day, in fact no day is my day and won't be for a very long time. I cry openly, he's hurt me. The kids have no desire to give me the cards they made in school, they don't care to make breakfast in bed, they gloss over the day as if it's nothing. I take a long shower where I can cry,
At church the minister gives a little children's sermon on Mother's Day and why it's special, I can see he realizes a little about what today is, I can see he's sorry I am sad but he doesn't have words for what he is feeling so nothing is said. He never apologizes, never tries to make amends, doesn't acknowledge much about my feelings. I spend the rest of the day taking them to the park, feeding them, cleaning up, giving permission for slushies, applying sunscreen and offering cold bottles of water after fun in the sun. They get baths, fight, complain, I send them to bed. Then I go back downstairs and cry again.
I cry because I try but maybe I'm getting it wrong. I cry because they have no idea the weight I am carrying on my shoulders, no idea the hurdles I've already gone through and what's next. No idea how much I shelter them from. They just know that sometimes mom doesn't let them go to the park, mom makes them do homework they hate, mom is the one who lays out the discipline so she's never good cop, mom says no to a dog, and mom makes them eat meals that they don't really like.
I feel like a failure when my kids find no joy in thanking me for being their mom. It just really makes me feel like I'm getting this wrong.
 |
| This is the mom life. Finding them asleep after a long day, lugging their growing bodies upstairs and into bed, then going and cleaning up the mess they left behind. |
2 comments
you know what I think? (I'll tell you!) I think they take for granted all that you are and all that you do because in their safety and comfort and familiarity, in the life you have built for them (with your own two hands), you have not been broken, to them. They are not in the position of having to feel like they need to carry their mom, to fix her, to comfort her. They have no idea how hard it is on you, and that is a testament to your strength and modelled resilience. They are free to be children, to be the ones mothered and comforted, and because of that, they don't recognize that they should also feel gratitude and express it. that and they don't have a second parent reminding them to. It sucks, and it must sting, especially on mother's day. I can see their behaviour as far more reflective of the comfort and safety you provide than of any indication you're doing things wrong. I hope that makes sense?
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah, that's a fresh perspective that I couldn't see but I like it and I'm going to go with that. Because thinking I am doing a good job is a lot better than thinking I am doing a bad one
DeleteNote: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.