In our house

Here's a word of advice for you, stop telling anyone they look "so tired!"  Unhelpful.  I have a lot of stresses in my life, sometimes my kids keep me up because they are scared, sick, sleeping diagonal across me, and sometimes my kids are gone on their visit and then I don't sleep well because I'm anxious for their return and the house is too quiet.  Sometimes I sleep 10 hours like a log and wake up feeling amazing.  But someone usually comments that I look so tired and I want to scream. Sometimes I take that extra 10 minutes in the morning to apply under eye cream, concealer, foundation, some mascara, even a swipe of lipstick and I feel amazing but then I look "so tired" and I think forget it CoverGirl, we aren't fooling anyone apparently.  Never tell someone they look tired or pregnant, there, public service announcement complete.

cuddled in bed watching documentaries at night

So yes, after day 11 of my pursuit of Happiness, I failed.  But that's ok because I was doing it for myself and not for anyone else.  Halfway through some parts of my world came crashing down and I admit I was struggling to breath again.  Having another task on my plate became more than overwhelming, so you do what you do and you remove the things you can control.

That didn't mean I gave up on self-care and doing things meant to make me happy, it just meant I did them as I pleased, on my own terms, and didn't document it.

The journey to healing is a long, slow journey.  You learn in counselling that you can't hide from your pain and you can't shy away from the things that scare you or make you uncomfortable.  This could mean having a conversation you don't want to have, admitting feelings you are having, taking steps to begin a process that brings all the uncomfortable things to the surface.  I know myself and I know what I do when I am faced with uncomfortable things.  I go into isolation.  I make things stall and I hide from the information I don't want to know.  It takes a lot of myself to face the things that scare me and it drains me when I do this so I also know that during these times I expect less of myself.  I don't worry about the quality of the meals hitting the table, just that there is food.  I don't worry about the loads of laundry, it'll get done.  I don't care about me going to bed at 8:00 when the kids do, that's perfectly fine.  And I don't mind saying no.  No I can't listen to your troubles right now I don't have the ability to process it.  No I can't attend an extra dance class, No I can't provide sandwiches for the sunday school closing, No I can't do overtime at work.  No I can't read a book because an internet list of happy things tells me I must today.

And now I feel better.  Things have changed a little, just enough that I am on the other side again feeling supported and renewed.  I hosted a wonderful Easter supper and the outdoor egg hunt was such a hit that I was happy I took the extra time to prepare it.

And because right now I am excited and energetic...and I little bit of a sucker for novelty ideas, I am going to try the minimalist challenge and see where it takes me.

I've always been a fan of Easter egg hunts.  Growing up it was one of the few holiday traditions I remember having done for me and it was always a full on hunt with hidden eggs not just a trail out to an Easter basket full of goodies.  It's something I've continued with my kids and I feel so blessed this year to have them with me and to be able to enjoy another Easter morning watching them hunt.

The rule in our house is you both come down, get your basket, then go off searching for eggs. There's no fighting because at the end all the eggs get combined and then dished out equally.  I make sure the bunny goes for quality over quantity so we tend to have a smaller amount of better made chocolate.  The whole house is a free for all, you never know where the bunny may hide an egg.  On the windowsill, behind a cushion, in some pots, in a shoe, hiding by the dryer, poked behind a picture frame.







This year I am attempting an outdoor hunt as well for my kids and the kids of my friend, however we are under a freezing rain advisory so time will tell if that goes ahead.

It's been a wonderful Easter weekend.  Kicked off by E's kindergarten hosting the Easter assembly at school, homemade fish and chips with friends for Good Friday, lots of outdoor bike ride and walks, Easter Saturday supper with my parents, and Easter Sunday at church then I am hosting supper at my house with the hopeful outdoor hunt.

I take no special moments and memories for granted anymore.  I don't try to make elaborate and mind blowing celebrations for the kids, but I try to have traditions they can count on that hopefully make the memories they look back on when they start traditions with their own families.