I need to slow down and take my time with my family.  I am someone who has set a high standard for myself that involves cooking delicious meals, baking for the kids, encouraging activities, and I detest just sitting around the house so I am often pushing them out the door so we can go places, do errands, be active.  While in some ways it's very therapeutic and important for me to be active and busy, I also know I find a lot of guilt when I allow us a day where we stay in pj's, stay home, watch a lot of tv and go off schedule.  I need to slow down and let my body rest sometimes, turn off my mind and just be ok with slow.

In other news, today was one of those real testaments to parenting.  Parenting a child with different and often difficult needs is exhausting and as things change in their lives, strategies have to as well.  J's teacher called today to tell me of a success and a struggle they had.  I gave her my opinion and words of advice but warned her that I too was navigating some unknown territory since there have been changes in his life so we are both going to falter and that's ok.  

Tonight while we were eating supper, I gave him a fair warning that he had to finish his spelling worksheet.  I let him know that he was free to go play but I would be calling him to do it and I gave him roughly an hour then called him to come to the table while I cleaned up.  Immediately I could tell he was not into it, whiney, complaining about stilly fake pains in his legs, antsy, generally just being hard to get along with.  I had two choices in that moment, let him go and attempt at another time or have him sit and work through it so I  made a snap decision that we were going to work through it.  

In my head I knew he had had a decent day, he wasn't hungry, he wasn't sleepy, and I was there keeping him company so he could reasonably do his work.  There were tears, there was stamping of feet, I issued a warning, then I issued what the consequence would be, he knows I follow through.  My heart was saying stop and let the poor boy go, it's just spelling work, but my head said no this is a learning point for him keep him going.  I didn't engage the nonsense just went about preparing supper for the next night and telling him to stop defeating himself, that he was capable and able and I expect him to try.  

I turned my back and chopped an onion, steeling myself for the fallout tantrum I felt was inevitable.  To my surprise, he calmed himself after my little speech and he did the work.  He did it neatly and he did it correctly.  Then without a word, he pulled the chair over to the stove and began stirring the meat for our beef and barley crock pot soup.  He asked me questions about the meat, how I know it's cooked, what spices I put in, then he asked to chop the vegetables and open the can of tomatoes for me.  He put it all together in the crockpot and added the things I told him to and remarked a few times about how he really should be helping me cook more.  He was pleasant and enjoyable and I reminded myself to trust my parenting.  

I have known this little boy for 9 years and I know how to push him forward and when to back off.  I know his capabilities and how he limits himself.  I trusted my parenting and it paid off because he trusted me.  When I told him I believed in him and that he was his own obstacle, he listened and tore through that obstacle.  I chose not to reward him with praise about his spelling homework instead, I thanked him for helping me cook and offered him the chance to help anytime.  As much as he needs to know I am behind him, I need him to realize that he has the ability to support himself and believe in his own abilities too.  Today was a good parenting day.